Anger in all things
I snapped at my daughter in anger this morning; really freaked her out. I called her out for laughing about something she clearly didn't understand. 'I hate sycophants,' was I believe the thoughtlet running through my head before my mouth took her head off.
There was no excuse for that: it was plain and simple nastiness. small children do not have the capacity to be true sycophants, she was just trying to hang with the grown-ups. She was, I think almost upset that I didn't make up 'right,' that for my offense. So a public apology it is, tonight.
More upsetting than all that is that my kids just got a reinforcer for just the kind of behavior we don't like in them: being gruff, abrupt and rude to one another.
It's about focus. Concentration is a narrowing of the senses in search of a solution to a specific problem, but that narrow-mindedness, I think, lessens our ability to tolerate interference with focus. I don't know what I was focusing on: probably just the breakfast chatter with my spouse and kids. But my anger and being jarred from that focus was an immediate lash at the source of the 'noise.'
My boss did that today. Snap, whack! instead of a question; I think he was jarred from some activity and assumed something I did caused the problem.
When I first came to this position some folks on my team would cringe when I brought up an issue. 'They're worried they might be fired,' one of my managers explained. 'They were afraid you would shout,' said another. I thought it so sad they would think -- or allow themselves to be treated -- that way. And one of my tenets is that no one, not a customer, not a vendor, not a peer, manager, or subordinate, is allowed to create a hostile environment.
So how do I explain, aside from the feeble excuse of humanity, snapping so hard at a child? An exercise of power? A kinky affirmation of control? Annoyance without thought? This isn't an exercise in self-flagellation, but a question posed to the ether.
There was no excuse for that: it was plain and simple nastiness. small children do not have the capacity to be true sycophants, she was just trying to hang with the grown-ups. She was, I think almost upset that I didn't make up 'right,' that for my offense. So a public apology it is, tonight.
More upsetting than all that is that my kids just got a reinforcer for just the kind of behavior we don't like in them: being gruff, abrupt and rude to one another.
It's about focus. Concentration is a narrowing of the senses in search of a solution to a specific problem, but that narrow-mindedness, I think, lessens our ability to tolerate interference with focus. I don't know what I was focusing on: probably just the breakfast chatter with my spouse and kids. But my anger and being jarred from that focus was an immediate lash at the source of the 'noise.'
My boss did that today. Snap, whack! instead of a question; I think he was jarred from some activity and assumed something I did caused the problem.
When I first came to this position some folks on my team would cringe when I brought up an issue. 'They're worried they might be fired,' one of my managers explained. 'They were afraid you would shout,' said another. I thought it so sad they would think -- or allow themselves to be treated -- that way. And one of my tenets is that no one, not a customer, not a vendor, not a peer, manager, or subordinate, is allowed to create a hostile environment.
So how do I explain, aside from the feeble excuse of humanity, snapping so hard at a child? An exercise of power? A kinky affirmation of control? Annoyance without thought? This isn't an exercise in self-flagellation, but a question posed to the ether.
posted by Da Shlom at Tuesday, January 04, 2005
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